Speed Bumps and Loony Bins

On the way to Caleb's school there are two ways to go (three, if you ask Jarrod, but Caleb and I insist it's longer). Both include a plethora of speed bumps. In fact, one route has these stupid diagonal speed bumps that make me want to puke after going over them!

Well, I hit a little "speed bump" this weekend; the kind that has no warning sign before you get there. Actually, it was more like a massive sink-hole for a while, but looking back (hind-sight is 20/20) I see that it was merely an obstacle to my journey with Christ. I've had a lot of time to think, cry, scream and stomp, then sit in silence as my thoughts and emotions have raged.

For those of you who belong to and have a true relationship (not religion) with Jesus you really do know deep down that it is only grace, love, and mercy that keep you from checking into the Loony Bin on a weekly basis. There is no claim to perfectionism, super-spirituality, or pride. I am not saying that I do not deal with these...not in the least! Believe me, some of my words, some of my thoughts, and even some of my actions this weekend would have probably shocked the worst criminal. I've admitted them to God and agreed that I took it upon myself to claim my rights.

For me, I think the hardest part of choosing to base your life on His Word is not having to have the last word, or not having to prove who I am. It's a pretty ugly thing to see. I fight with every fiber of my being to hang on to what I see as "justice". Then I'm driving along yesterday, and here comes a radio show about I Corinthians 13. They had the nerve to read it- to READ IT-right when I was feeling better!!

Hmmm...1 Corinthians 13. I have a love-hate relationship with that chapter right now. It goes like this:

Love never gives up. (guilty!)
Love cares more for others than for self. (guilty!)

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. (guilty!)
Love doesn't strut, (tempting)
Doesn't have a swelled head, (tempting)
Doesn't force itself on others, (don't want to anyway)
Isn't always "me first," (don't want to be)
Doesn't fly off the handle, (guilty!)
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, (double guilty!)
Doesn't revel when others grovel, (guilty!)
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, (you betcha!)
Puts up with anything, (oops)
Trusts God always, (trying, but failing)
Always looks for the best, (ditto)
Never looks back, (resolved!)
But keeps going to the end. (Have to, want to)

My heart and head say, "Chuck it all!!! Love stinks!!" But in my spirit, I hear a whisper: "Melissa, you know it's true."

So then I stopped fighting Him and said, "God, once again, You are right, and I am wrong. Dang, I need Your help."

So, today I am getting up, and getting on with my life. I have a ton of stuff to work on in this old stubborn self, but I am choosing to let Jesus remind me that I have a GOOD HEART; not a wicked, deceitful heart, like so many of us have grown up being told. If I remember correctly, God said,

"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart." -

Ezekiel 36:26

I'll take that truth any day!

Today's confession: Temper tantrums only make one sore and tired.